I am not dead, but I did spend last weekend in DC doing something almost entirely non-academic. (“Almost” because I snuck in a performance of King Lear. Which was quite entertaining, actually. But due to certain professional choices I’ve made, I’m afraid must count as work.)

Upon my return I threw myself into some revisions that are about 65% done, which saddens me because I was hoping that by the weekend they’d be 100%. We’ll see what tomorrow brings.

But this, from the Onion, is too darned funny not to share:

SAN FRANCISCO—Creator Jack Dorsey was shocked and saddened this week after learning that his social networking device, Twitter, was being used to disseminate pertinent and timely information during the recent civil unrest in Iran. “Twitter was intended to be a way for vacant, self-absorbed egotists to share their most banal and idiotic thoughts with anyone pathetic enough to read them,” said a visibly confused Dorsey, claiming that Twitter is at its most powerful when it makes an already attention-starved populace even more needy for constant affirmation. “When I heard how Iranians were using my beloved creation for their own means—such as organizing a political movement and informing the outside world of the actions of a repressive regime—I couldn’t believe they’d ruined something so beautiful, simple, and absolutely pointless.” Dorsey said he is already working on a new website that will be so mind-numbingly useless that Iranians will not even be able to figure out how to operate it.

I’ve said it before: if Swift were alive today, he’d be too busy writing for the Onion to do Harley’s dirty work.